Longings

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Phoenix

I belong to this world or maybe I am the world or just a void in space, whatever it is, some days I am so full of life, feels like I could give birth to million galaxies and swallow down the burning meteoroids or maybe save everyone from existential crisis. When I see someone suffering, especially something I have been through and managed to survive, there is this invincible desire to move their world upside down and make them see, how incredibly tiny and pointless their pain/ sufferings are. Then, at the exact same moment I want to stay distant, speak only when asked and help only as much as needed to let others soak up the hell fire and be their own Phoenix.

Everyday, I come across someone who starts or end the conversation with “you/ your words saved me” and I just end up smiling, doing nothing, trying to be distant. Like how!
I can barely drag myself out to at least to breathe. I leave conversations in cliffhanger, don’t reply for weeks, worse, delete my accounts. When I am back from the shell, how everyone is still here? Why everyone is still here?

There is this person living inside me, even after all the hell I put through myself, she never left, she actually refuses to leave. And wants to save everyone, her believes in love are so strong that all my demons cry for her to leave. But she keep trying to pull off these “heroic” scenes. Once I told her, if you must,then save me from myself.To which she replied, “saving is not something you need”.
OKAY. What do I need then?

You can call me narcissist, but my world does revolves around me. I am the greatest weapon of destruction and source of healing I have ever known, and these days..

I am not sure what I am.

Mirrors

Mirror, mirror
on the wall.
I asked her about
the heart with a hole.

Empty eyes were
actually screaming,
scared of nightmares
and daydreaming.

Four hours
she didn’t speak,
A powerful soul,
within a body so weak.

Instead of healing,
she keep choosing pain,
Stuck in labyrinth
of loss and gain.

~Mermaid~

365 days of Mermaid

Here’s to a beautiful year.

This is the longest relationship I have ever had with any kind of social media account (with minimum fluctuations) and I seriously never thought of coming this far.

Will keep posting like before (every Saturday) and will try to read each of your work.
And I actually like WordPress, so hope to stick around here, till next year.

Thank you for reading, for making me believe that words can never lose their magic.
If they ever do, I know other forms of art too 🙂

Thank you ♡

Exhibition

Words bleed out of my mouth
without my concern,
Keep leaving this body
with no hint of return.

I’m the master
of breaking my own heart,
with weird thoughts
and shattered hope
I keep tearing myself apart.

You can see me
painting canvas,
but it’s not me.
My scars are on exhibition
I don’t want them to be.

People come to me
saying,
You’re art inside out.
I can’t help,
Smiling,
I just wonder and doubt.

Autolalia

Your heart was a hurricane
soul was a vast sea,
I miss the old times
when your words were free.
Layers on layers of impair
what have you become?
Let me hear this story
sit here, come?
Talk to me, tell me
where all of this went wrong?
I’m here to listen
even if it’s infinitely long.
You’re the closest to me
why still feels miles apart?
I know it hurts
we share the same heart.
Even in summer
your smile is cold as snow,
I never left during storms
I know, you know.
When I was painting sunsets
you were busy looking for rain,
I tried to show you spring
but you kept looking for pain.
It hurts my heart to see you
keep roaming here and there,
I yelp at your scars
but mostly cry over the tied hair.
I have always been here
please try to see,
Together we can acquire anything
I just need you, us and we.
I have lived with you
in between your screams,
cried for your laughter too.
I have always loved you in silence
because I know you.

~Me to me.

Caged

I was devastated
when he asked me to leave,
A proclamation,
really hard to believe.

After giving me the sky,
he cut off my wings,
I never thought,
things would be, just things.

Not that I am afraid
of being alone,
But can’t believe
a heart can be, just stone.

Of course we were different,
He came here, just to roam.
I got bewitched with magic,
Misunderstood him as home.

~Mermaid.